Megan

Hello there. Yes, me. Megan. Slightly egocentric, wildly fabulous, and blessed with an oversized heart (and ego to match). Apparently this is my moment — a sort of curriculum (or whatever humans call it), so fine, I’ll play along.

Three years ago, life took a wild turn. I was living in a local trailer park with some humans who clearly didn’t understand royalty when they saw it. One morning, they woke up and decided I was no longer part of the décor. Their exact words? “Take your stuff, you’re out.” Can you believe it? No warning. No brunch. Just out.

Naturally, I declined. Firmly. So they called in a so-called “friend” — their version of a bouncer — to deal with me. Pathetic. This sad little man (truly, I pity him) turned up and dragged me off to Lisa, the crazy resident cat lady and full-time rescuer who lived just a few trailers down. He told her, and I quote, “Either you take her, or I’ll dump her outside the fences.”

I mean... what?! Absolute caveman energy. Anyway, Lisa — hero, goddess, actual queen — scooped me up, rolled her eyes at the barbarian, and rushed me straight to Ellen’s.

And folks… I kid you not.

Heaven.

A sanctuary. A five-star, all-inclusive spa for brats like me. From the moment my glorious paws touched the floor, I was hugged, kissed, fed, fluffed, praised… I looked around and thought,

“Trailer park who? Dump me where? Sign me in — I’m never leaving.”

A little about me: I’m stunning. Obviously. I’m healthy — no drama, no trauma.

I do suffer from a mild case of It’s All About Me Syndrome, but who doesn’t these days?

I run a tight ship here. I hand out complimentary slaps to freeloaders who forget their place — purely as a service, of course. A light reminder that this palace? Mine!

But don’t get me wrong — I’m sweet. Cuddly, even. Especially with my new humans. I sleep in pole position in my dad’s bed. And by “pole position” I mean on the pillow. Next to his head. Like the royalty I am.

So that’s me. Megan.

Come by and say hi when you visit. You bring snacks, I’ll bring the charm (and maybe a slap if you get fresh — fair warning).